Day 2

It snowed today. It was the first I've seen snow in 3 years. I had forgotten how beautiful it was. It reminds that just because things can get messed up and tangled there is still hope for a new beginning. Growing up I remember dreaming of my Prince Charming that perfect man that God had picked out just for me.  That he would come in and sweep me off my feet we would slow dance in the dark and he would kiss me in the rain. And he would know my heart inside and out. I look back now and I know I still want that perfect person but sometimes we aren't ready for that. God knows my heart he knows what I need in my life and I have to have faith that when the time is right I'll meet that perfect person that he made just for me. I know that I cannot give my heart away to someone who isn't going to treat it like the gift it is. I forgot that and I see now the suffering that I endured made me more cynical then that idealistic girl I once was. Once upon a time I couldn't wait to start a family and to create a home now I don't even know if I want to share a bathroom with someone. I don't want to be that cynical hateful negative person that I've been for so long because not who I am. That was never who I was. I want to be the one who has hope that everything is going to work out. I know that just because I hurt now its a cleansing fire that God is preparing me for something awesome and amazing and that everything that has happened so far is to help me to appreciate everything that is to come. I was working out this morning listening to a song titled " You Are More" and it showed me that I am more I am more then my failure I am more then my faults because Jesus died for me he loved me soo much that he gave his life for me. How amazing is that! I know my heart is hurting and I want so much to be loved and in love that sometimes I forget that there is someone who loved me all along. That Jesus never once stopped he saw when I failed over and over again and he never once judged me even when my own family turned their backs on me he didn't he carried me through those times. He showed me unconditional love and forgiveness. My prayer to him is to show what real love is not the selfish kind with conditions but real love. To let down my walls and allow a person in to see all my faults and quirks and to see them with same. With real love that person doesn't have to be perfect.