day 1

Sometimes in life we find ourselves getting off-track. We don't always see it at first its like a slow fade in to it. We get distracted by other things like work,school, friends,etc. the point is we lose our way. I remember as a teenager I would spend hours in God's presence worshipping him praising him just reveling in his glory. Then somehow that slowly faded away I got busy with work and friends and before I knew it things were soo far gone that I didn't even recognize myself. You would think at that point that I would've stepped back saw what was going on and rectified it. That was not the case it seemed the more I felt God pulling and calling in me the further I ran away from him. SO I have made the decision not to run anymore to surrender to whatever it is he wants of me. Somehow I lost that fire I had as a child and as a teenager now I'm an adult and I haven't felt passionate about anything  that ever burning desire to be so enraptured by something since I was a teenager. So my goal for this next year is to fall face down before God. I've tried to fill my life with so many empty things so much nothingness that even I realize that  there is no substance to my life. I want to stop trying to fill that emptiness in my soul with things like food, alcohol and meaningless relationships. I recongnize that I tend to obsess about things such as food and men and I realize that its not healthy. How can I have a truly healthy and meaningful relationship if I carry around the baggage of my past. Instead of checking all that baggage at the alter I carry it around with me and its toxic it destroys me over and over again. So no more its time to wake up. Its time to give Jesus my past my present and my future. Its time to get healthy both spiritually and physically. Cause lets face it I've let my physical self go to the max. I was so afraid of the emptiness inside me that I ate too much and never bothered to truly get in shape. NO more!! NO More excuses. So this is me being accountable. This is me taking action. This is me ready for the change not for anyone but me.